I'M HEADED TO MONTANA!

I'M HEADED TO MONTANA

FROM TEXAS TO NEW MEXICO TO ARIZONA TO UTAH TO IDAHO TO MONTANA AND BACK AGAIN!

We leave in an hour.

Kimmie just came to pick up the last of her things. The two years we've spent together in our little yellow room in our little yellow house are over. I gave her some stationery I'd crafted for her and she gave me a book of pie recipes. And then I cried.

My temporary roommate moved in this morning. The first thing she asked-- "Can you send your cat away or keep her in a cage until you move out?". Until August 20? Seriously?! I miss Kimmie.

I'm watching the "making of" video of The Shining and Stanley Kubrick is typing away on a bright yellow typewriter! This makes me really, really want to paint my typewriter. But apparently no one else on the internet has this idea because I can't find any tips for how to go about it. I'd like mine to be lilac or robin's egg.

I sold this little puppy for $40 today!

P.S. Shelly Long is apparently a very difficult actress to work with. Who knew?

Decisions made today:

1. Brooke and I are starting our own business. We'll design and craft sweet invitations and announcements. This decision was made after I posted a tweet that read "If I ever get married, I'm not sending out pricey invitations. I'm hand-writing each person a letter saying "Getting Hitched. You can come."

2. I'm allergic to crustaceans. This decision was made after years of eating popcorn shrimp or lobster bisque and immediately falling ill. Luckily, I only eat these things twice a year anyway so I have no intention of changing my ways.

Good day for decisions if I do say so myself.

Holy geeze I need to post on here more often. I promise I'm not that much of a scorned lover. Even if 90% of the posts are about that. I'm also not a crazy cat lady. But this is incredible.

I love that I barely watch the television anymore. I wish that I wrote more letters on time. And made more crafts. In fact, I'll head to Hobby Lobby tonight so I can change this.

This is the best blog giveaway I have ever seen.

Blog-a-palooza!

I found a notebook from just before freshman year of undergrad. Back before you broke my heart. Back before you lied and cheated and hurt. Back before you became who you are today. Back before it felt like we had to hate each other. Back when loving one another was the only thing that made any sense.

It feels good to throw that away. It feels really, really good.

I really wish 99.9% of the boys in my life would just behave and keep their hands to themselves. And I really wish that .1% would do neither of these things.

Tonight the mystery that is me and Brett never dating has been solved:

At the reception, a George Strait song came on so Brett and I got together to dance. And stepped all over each other again and again and again. So I said, "You and I are moving to two completely different rhythms.". He laughed and said, "I think that pretty much describes everything between us." Then we both started laughing and fake crying.

The end.

And this was mah outfit.

My Friends Are All My Boyfriend

Today my dad's bosses (who doubled as our family friends in Idaho) came to visit so I drove to down have lunch in Gruene with my parents and them. And let me just say, biggest ego boost ever. People I haven't seen since I was ~14 years old and so they just gushed and gushed about how much I'd "grown up" and how "beautiful" I am and how "confident" I am. Side note: I was a very confident girl in junior high. I had awesome friends and we had awesome fun. But I guess gangly 14 year old girls are assumed to not have any confidence? Hm. Ms. Anna definitely cried when she saw me. Ms. Anna and Mr. Wally are my favorite adult couple and absolutely make me believe in true love and a great marriage.

Anyway, at one point one of the other ladies asked me if I had a boyfriend and the whole table turned to hear my answer. I said that I didn't and there was almost an entire minute's worth of silence that followed. So awkward. And I would just like to know, how many times do boys get asked that by relatives and family friends? I feel like adults just assume that all guys are ladykillers and all girls are lost without them. I don't know, weird. So I'd just like to say some things I've been thinking about lately:

Dating My Friends

I think that guys and girls who really think they need a boyfriend/girlfriend obviously don't have friends like mine. My friends are the most important things in the world to me and easily top a boyfriend any day.

They are all my boyfriends. Even when they're girls.

It's like we're all dating...

--We take each other out on dates
--We feed each other sincere compliments
--We share thoughts and opinions and dreams on a daily basis
--We call and text and message each other constantly
--We love each other like crazy
But not...
--We don't cheat on one another
--We don't lie to one another
--We don't do "breaks"
--There's no confusion as to whether we're "talking" or "dating" or "official"
--We're definitely not together just for sex

And that's definitely not to say that a typical relationship is ridiculous like that. I'm just saying that all the awesome things you have in a relationship, we have (minus the whole making out thing). And I love it. Sure, I've got crushes on boys but it's certainly never at the front of my mind or the top of my priority list. So thanks, friends, for being so damn amazing. Love Love Love

Thought again, of driving by, the place we meet
You and I, where it started, how we lived, together always

My heart , still beats, for you
My heart, still beats, for you
After all, it's always you

Sometimes I honestly wish I'd never met you. Knowing who you used to be and who you are today is too much to handle. Who could have ever guessed that you would do the things you did?

I have all the faith in the world in you. And it kills me a little more every day.

And if you ever wondered: Why?

It's because: You never danced with me

I'm sitting next to a couple at the laundromat
They're doing their laundry together- really, he had extra space in his washing machine and offered to put her dresses in with his pants. Also, they're both eating sandwiches. It's the most precious thing in the world, a couple eating sandwiches and washing clothes together. This is going in my list.

Last night we had a brinner party.
We ate pancakes, waffles, omelets, cinnamon rolls, strawberries, bananas, and cookies. And drank a lot of juice. It was ridiculous and so sweet, in every possible way. The friends that Pam and I share are loud and goofy and just the nicest people. And as the rough end of school rolls around, I'm seeing our mutual friends more than I'm seeing my exclusive friends. I miss dancing with Brett and talking in funny voices with Jordan and making faces with Lindsey and the list goes on and on and on. And I miss Daniel. We talked on the phone tonight until I burnt my rice and he had to return to the paper he was writing. Damn you school, always keeping my friends at a distance. Summer, please come soon. West Texas, please come sooner.

I'm shooting my friend's wedding.
But it got pushed back to next summer instead of this fall so I feel so much less nervous! Eeeeeeeyoh

I don't want to come back to school next Fall
But I will. I'll register for classes and I'll curse them. I'll work every day 8-12 and then go to class from 1-7. Classes that I won't have any passion or drive for. Classes that will keep me from running with my dog in the park. Classes that will steadily eat away at my soul. But I'm so close now, so close. I'll make Dean's List, I'll graduate, and I'll finally start my life.

We watched Princess and the Frog
I was so worried that I wouldn't like it, that it was too far from original Disney. But we really did love it.

Tonight I made Chouquettes.
Kind of. The recipe called for too many eggs and they turned out pretty boring. They tasted good but looked bland. They were not sweet little puff balls, but flat and bottomless pieces of bread. But for the last batch, I just poured all the dough on at once and made something that greatly resembled a giant chocolate chip pancake!

Tomorrow morning I get to walk to APA dogs
I'll wake up at 9 to check the weather and make sure the trail hasn't been closed. Austin Pets Alive let's you "rent" dogs to take running with you around Town Lake. It's good exercise for the dogs and pretty much heaven for dog-deprived people such as myself. Hopefully it stays open because Pam has agreed to go! She never had pets growing up and she's half-excited for my getting a dog in August but half-scared at the same time. Also, I really need some motivation to start training for our half-marathon. Pups are the perfect motivation for me, always always.

I was supposed to go camping this weekend
But with storms in every piece of Texas that I wanted to visit, that won't be happening. I'll walk to the dogs tomorrow morning and then who knows what. Ericka and I may drive up to Marble Falls for Bluebonnet Cafe. I promised Kevin I'd bring him back some Lemon Cream Pie and I'm bringing some for Daniel once I decide what flavor. If it only rains and doesn't storm, I want to go swimming somewhere since everywhere will be abandoned. I needed to get away from the city for the weekend but maybe some other time. I think Mike, his friend, and I are going camping next weekend? Hopefully!

The other night I had a dream that I was living in Montana
And it topped my former favorite dream (the one where I was dating Charlie Bartlett and then became Charlie Bartlett!). It was a plain house but it was in this tiny little valley between foothills that led up to the mountains. And there was a field of weeds and grasses surrounding it and it was dusk and I could hear all the bugs buzzing and chirping. It was a very, very short part of my dream but that 10 seconds were the best sleep I've ever had. It broke my heart to wake up from it. Last night I laid in bed for forever, willing myself to dream about Montana again (I didn't). Jenna sent me the most amazing letter, with a painting of the mountains and a short letter from them. It read, "Dearest Hillary-Anne, We miss you. Sincerely, The Mountains". Best letter ever. I intend to tell all my other penpals that they have stiff competition. And that includes my grandmother who sends me "cupcake money".

Making moughins for work tomorrow morning!

Bitty Betty Crocker.

Pam and Sarah want me to go to Marble Falls for my birthday. I think I'd rather go on a walkabout. I want to do all new things, not just the same things a little differently. I beg Daniel to jump of cliffs with me. Into water, of course. Tomorrow I'll go barefoot. But only after work. I want to do it all week. How would that be? Facebook let's me hide you but I think you're doing a good enough job all by yourself. Brett and I have been planning to go camping since February. Jordan and I, since December. But I only have one weekend off this month and I'm going, whether they can or not."Camping is better than sex". I agree. I think about how I've been making a list in my head for so long. It lists out what I want in a boy/man and what I don't. I have evidence of it trailing back by a year and a half, I'm not sure about before that. Single serving bags of popcorns are absolutely not single servings. Shame on you, Orville, for making me waste all this! I'm planning on failing my India quiz tomorrow. I don't want to be in school anymore. I lack direction and there's nothing I want to major in, as fantastic as all the options may be. I'm so passionate about my passion but I don't know how to go about it. People I've asked who are living the life they want to live, they lucked out. They knew people who supported them or gave them a place to stay or a bunch of free airline miles. She started college late because she spent 6 months in Kenya. I'm so in love with her. It's silly that I've been asked if I'm a bisexual. I don't care what kind of sex organs you have, I care about your heart. And if I want to spend time with you and be in a relationship with you, then I will if that's what you want too. I don't exactly spend my days scamming on girls. Creepsters. I want Falling Whistles to be my life. I emailed Brad tonight, asking him how I can do it. Please say I can do it. Please explain how. I move out August 20, why is it so far away? I love the girls I live with. Audrey and I don't understand each other most of the time, but we really do have fun together. Kimmie's leaving in July and I still can't believe it. My name is in GOOD Magazine and I know it's just because I paid to be a sponsor but it still makes me so happy. There is a Mayfly on the wall that hasn't twitched for a good half hour. My kitty pretends to be asleep as a hint that she wants us to go to bed.

Falling Whistles, dudes

I do not want to do my French homework. I do not want to return to class tomorrow.

I'd rather shop for maps.

I'd rather embroider a kerchief.

I'd rather finish Doctor Zhivago.

I'd rather make a waffle.

I'd rather learn to jog.

I'd rather be in Montana.

Ahem

For Spring Break he's going to visit the girl he cheated on me with. Or, one of the girls he cheated on me with. I don't even know.
Why was I so stupid? Why am I still so stupid?

This is my kitty named Kitty.

She's sleepy here but she's usually all about playing and purring.

It should be known that I'm more of a dog kind of gal but I absolutely love her.

And the thing is, I always thought you were my Levin and you were only ever my Count Vronsky.

In other news, I just got asked to shoot a friend's wedding. What the what?!

Why are my friends

So

Darn

Cute

???

A few friends of mine went on tour to the Midwest and East Coast over winter break. In a few weeks they'll be an official band at SXSW. And they are the sweetest, most big-hearted boys. I'm so proud of them.

I have spent the past couple of hours on this site. I absolutely adore it.

This is what I look like whilst doing French homework. Confused. So confused. Remember when I used to make all A's in French? Remember that? Yeah, those days are long gone now. Much like my youthful good looks and charm. Nah, I'm kidding about the charm part.

Mmmmmm TodayTodayToday

My alarm went off at 7 to watch the sunrise but thanks to all the clouds, no sunrise. I saw a sweet message from Charles and a Volvo picture from Jenna. I didn't see that it had a UT sticker on it and I was confused as to why she was sending me a phone picture of a Volvo but I'm usually confused when I wake up so yeah. I was going to legit wake up and read some more of A Million Mile in a Thousand Years but it was still dark out and Kimmie came home last night so I didn't want to rudely wake her with my lamp.
I woke up again at exactly 8:45 a.m. and because I had work 9 I let out a quietish "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck". I pulled on clothes as fast as I could, desperately tried to straighten my bangs in .5 seconds, kissed Kitty goodbye and drove to work instead of walking. But I made it there just in time. INSANE!
Today the reading room was super busy but luckily I had time to order my and Sarah's Elton John tickets online! And even though I logged on at exactly 10 a.m., the best seats we could get are in the Mezzanine section, row 14. That better be worth $100.25 each! We're so happy though. Emily Childress was hoping to come with us and she asked her parents for a ticket as her birthday gift but naturally they were uneasy about spending that much money. She had no hard feelings though and I promised her that Sarah and I would pick her out the tackiest concert tee we can find! I can't wait. April 10 cannot come soon enough. I'm pretty sure attending an Elton John concert is a life goal for 90% of the population.
After work I picked out some plants for the house. I got a little leafy plant and a pot of baby pink daisies for our room and a fern for the kitchen. I need more though. Many more. But those 3 were $25! What?!
I sat down to read, got through a few chapters and then napped until 430. I'm not sure how long. My ebay cardigans came in! And they're actually totally perfect. I needed a new white one because my $4 one was $4 for a reason. And even though I love the grey cardigan i already have, I'm glad I have the new one since it's a lighter shade and has sweet little 3/4 sleeves. I wore it with my pink tule skirt today and felt like a total ballerina. Okay sorry, end sweater rave. I have 10 cardigans. I'm in love with them.
Jordan came over at like 530 and we started making food for Jason's housewarming party! He made salsa and I baked my mother's bran muffins aka my favorite muffins in the WORLD. I've been trying to make these muffins for the past 8 years and always failed. Always. There were times when they were so bad that even my dogs wouldn't eat them. But finally I did it all right! I texted my mom with the great news and then Jordan ate like 6 before I finally packaged them up so we could leave for the party.
The gathering was really nice, just talking and food. The boys always talk about their Swiss friend Phil and I finally got to meet him! I was so great and he's like Charlie's Swiss counterpart. Danny and I talked about his photography thesis and I told him about some places in San Antonio and Blanco that he could shoot. I talked to him about how I've pretty much just quit photography because I can't take the competitive spirit. He was totally understanding and told me about how he makes it a point to get people's Flickrs and websites and invite them out for drinks to talk about their work and their goals. There should be more of that. Dear fellow UT NPPA members, take note. Too many of you are rude and pompous and I don't care how much better you are than me, you're not going to get far enough with that kind of attitude.
Anyway, the night went by really fast. Brett and Daniel Vega came over with Charlie for a little while. They'd been in the studio recording their EP all day long. I'm so proud of them. They're an official SXSW band this year and they're playing 6 or 7 shows throughout the week. Love them. Their shows are so different now though. There's a lot of drunk teenage girls trying to flirt with them and a lot of drunk college girls climbing onto their stage. Charlie calls them the "Woo Girls" because they hold their drinks up and yell "woooooooo" a lot while their nipples hang out of their tops. What the what?! hahahaha Those poor boys
I got crazy tired and Jordan drove me home so here I am, lounging on my couch and eating green grapes. Perfection.

Tomorrow I'm making some more of the bran muffins because everyone at the party liked my muffins and ate them all. Damn them. I remember telling Jordan that I hoped everyone hated them so I could have them all to myself. Mmmm those muffins. And since they're bran I'm not counting them as "sugar" so I'm not including them in Lent. But I did accidentally eat a brownie tonight and had to talk Danny into eating my fruit crepe for me once I realized what I did. Anyway, I'm gonna spend the day with Rebecca and maybe seeing Valentine's Day with Pam and Sarah. Then to Mosaic. Then hopefully dinner with everyone as a big group. Then homework. I desperately need to pick a new CD cover to redesign for class!


LoveLoveLove all the sweet babes in my life

I love John Muir. He's probably my favorite person that has ever lived. i don't count Jesus because yeah, does he actually count as a person? I don't think so. Above my bed I have a poster of some valley in Yosemite with a John Muir quote. I can't remember what it says. Everything that man said is worth quoting on a poster. I want to marry a John Muir. I want to marry someone who wants to be out of the city more than anything, and then go to shows and movies and parties when there's no other option. We can climb trees and nap in the grass. And he'll always recycle.
I just finished Episode 3 of Ken Burn's national parks documentary and there are at least 2 very influential figures in the national park movement that changed their lives after they met John Muir. They became these crazy advocates for protecting American wilderness.
Some other people picked up and moved and left everything behind to go work in the Grand Canyon. Cody did that. I love Cody. He was lost for a pretty long time, and then one day he announced that he'd gotten a job at the Grand Canyon and now he's so happy there.
I'm looking at grad school all of a sudden. I want to be a librarian for a little longer, I want to be surrounded by books and people that love them every single day. But if I'd rather be surrounded by trees or mountains then what am I doing?
I want go work at a hotel in the mountains. They're always looking for people for that. No one wants to move out to the middle of no where and be with the same people every single day just for a low-paying job. But what other option is there? I wouldn't mind folding other people's towels all day as long as I got a view and a day off every week.
I really looked into it last winter. Some night when Charles didn't feel like talking I watched Legends of the Fall and its encore presentation. During the second round, I googled and applied to hotels and resorts in the mountains. I figured if I wasn't going to be with him come summer, I wanted to be with the trees. I got a few replies but I didn't reply back.
I wish the clouds from today would go away. I can't watch the sunrise if I can't see it.

1. Stargazing pun battling with Brett for the win! I luhv puns. And I have a huge crush on Brett. I'm driving down to San Marcos tomorrow night to go stargazing with him :)

2. I was talking to my mom on the phone and she was saying how she's not allowed to eat anything until after her heart surgery at 6 a.m. tomorrow. What did I say right after that? "Oh yeah, I'm just polishing off a pint of Ben & Jerry's." Shame. On. Me. I didn't even mean for it to come out, it just did. Sorry mom...

3. Today we had a professional graphic designer/photographer come in to speak to my class. And he spent a good 10 minutes ripping on photographers who pay for fancy 5Ds when Rebel XTs are the same thing, just plastic. It made me so happy. I was talking to the editor of Texas State's University Star on Friday night and he was saying how I should upgrade to a better camera. Thanks, but having a hunk that costs a $1,000 (including lens and flash) is quite enough for me. I don't even want to touch a fancy camera!

4. I'm giving up sweets for my first Lent. I spend probably like $30 a week on candy and ice cream and pie and then I rib on my sister for spending that much on makeup when she could be doing better things with her money. So I'm giving it up completely, I'm only eating fruit. And the money I'd spend on sugary goodies is instead going to a different global hunger alleviation group each week. Pam just polished off my strawberry Pop-Tarts, my heart cried a little inside.

5. Made two Dean's Lists in two years! Heeeeeey

This afternoon I ran a stop sign. Why? Because I was distracted by a beautiful Oak tree that would be perfect for climbing.

I feel this sums me up very well.

Let's please take a second to cross our fingers and hope that

my faith in him isn't a mistake

I have the most beautiful friends. I love how all of my friends are so completely different from one another but we all get along all the time because we're so full of love for one another. And it's not even that we're best friends or anything like that, they just happen to all be so amazing. They're such all such a blessing to my life. I used to think that things just had to be a certain way, that I was expecting too much from friendship. But when I'm around my true friends and I see how perfectly the universe can align and how big my smile gets, I know that's what I deserve and that I was wrong before for settling when I didn't have to. Friends are my everything, they're my Heaven and Earth. Whether you're my best friend or that guy I met on Tuesday, you mean the world to me. When your place in my life starts to fuzz or fade, my heart breaks. Seeing a true friend next to me smiling always makes me so much stronger. I have a friend, someone I once loved more than anyone in the world and maybe I still do, but he breaks my heart almost every day in almost every way. It's hard to stay strong and committed to saving our friendship, but I try. Always remember that you're worth everything. Don't give up on people but don't let them hurt you either.

Tonight a handful of friends came over, some that I've only known a few days now. But we threw in SingStar and knew no shame in our awful (awful!) singing abilities. We're all dancing around and singing and joking and there's no expectations, there's no having to act cool or worry about how you must look to everyone else. The fun had to end sometime but I'm glad it's a weekly ritual to get together and do just as we please.

There was almost a huge cat fight between Photojournalism and Radio-Television-Film students in the CMA building on campus tonight. The two groups are pretty much always at odds, always trying to top one another in "coolness". Personally, I think all Photo and all RTF students everywhere need to just get over themselves. Your egos will do you no good.

[As a photo student, I felt it clear that the RTF students were at fault tonight. So I'm just as bad. Okay, not quite.]

I love all of these, for various reasons

[Disclaimer: I snagged all of these from Miss Kaelah Bee!]

Library Adventures!

This morning at work, I was shown a real life treasure map! The story included all the

following intrigues...

!Indians!

!Silver!

!Murder!

!Forgery!

!Conquistadors!

!Priests!

!$1 Million!

The best part: At the HRC we have a book that contains a very generous clue.

I have entirely too many guilty pleasures when it comes to television! Right now, I'm watching The Real Desperate Housewives of Orange County. Pamela and I watch this and try to give them advice. Clearly they're not listening to us! I love it and I feel no shame. No shame at all.

I want the Librarian Dress for my librarian job!

It wasn't 'just yesterday'

It wasn't 'just yesterday'

It wasn't 'just yesterday'

It wasn't 'just yesterday'

It wasn't 'just yesterday'

It wasn't 'just yesterday'

And eventually that part of my life will catch up with where I am now. I guess it might take a while, I'm so far gone from where I used to be. But maybe it won't because I feel like I'm not really past it. Eventually though. Eventually I'll be long gone from where I was and yesterday will be long gone from me.

My mom has heart surgery in the morning.

Maybe if you're the praying kind, you could pray for her?

Do you remember the time we listened to that song in your car after that movie?

It was before I wondered what it would be like to kiss you.

And long before your kisses started tasting like lies.

This afternoon I went to Mozarts to read. I took Doctor Zhivago, Blue Like Jazz, and two Backpacker issues. Rotating between them all. I bought another white hot chocolate and sat by the big windows overlooking the lake. All the black ducks with their white beaks and the single swan. The glass pane was so cold and you could see the ducks shaking in the rain. I love Doctor Zhivago so much. In six months I'll be somewhere special with someone special. Soon enough I'll know where and with whom. It's been almost six months. It doesn't feel like that at all, does it? Everyone always thinks it's great to say you shouldn't live in the past. But if you're not even aware that the past isn't the present, how do you avoid living in it? Exactly. Six months from now doesn't seem real but six months ago seems like it's still happening. I was there for a few hours but when I left it felt like I was rushing out. I could have sat there with my books and magazines and white hot chocolate for days but the waiters dimmed the lights and lit candles for the couples on their dates. The funny thing was that most of us were just there by ourselves reading and it really wasn't necessary.

"Only real greatness can be so unconcerned with timing and opportunity."
Doctor Zhivago

You stupid boys and your stupid penises!!!
The Yellow House toilet is broken. 5 girls in one house that always need to pee. And right now this is getting tricky. We're weighing the pros and cons of all taking turns peeing in the shower in a minute or two. Because WE can't just pee off the porch.


Stupid boys.
I need to pee.

I just feel like the world needs to see and laugh at this:

RT @tremendousnews World's Biggest Douche Update! Pat Robertson to Kanye West:

"Check. Mate."

Thanks, Pat Robertson, for giving off even more bad vibes concerning Christianity. Trust me guys, being a self-righteous jackass is not what it's all about.

Sunset at Camp Peniel outside Marble Falls this past weekend

I can't wait to go back

I am now a Library Assistant here! I've been working as a page at the HRC for two and a half years but this is really huge for me.

I have really awful New Year's Eve luck. Like you don't even know. Some friends of mine say they don't believe in luck but trust me, if I gave you a run down of the bad things that have happened on New Year's Eve over the last 5 (at least!) years, you'd be blown away.

And so this year I refused to celebrate. I went with my friends Katlin and Ged (her boyfriend) to Six Flags and pretended like it was just another night with fireworks. I absolutely loved it.

Awful freezing cold weather, great senses of humor, roller coasters and funnel cake.

I imagined that this winter break would be all about reading and travelling. But things haven't worked out that way. Everyone's gone and it's so cold out. Come home so we can leave again.

My one and only New Year resolution:

To always do just as I please.

Yeah, it sounds mega-selfish but trust me- most of the wrong turns I took in 2009 were to try and please someone else. And I don't ever want to repeat the last year or so. Yeah, feeling good about this decision.